In March, we went back to see Dr. Skalansky in CHLA. Nothing had changed since the February appointment. Her heart was still leaking severely and the left ventrical was dilated from the leak. I admit I was a little disappointed. The good news was that we could hold the course and NO SURGERY.
Around the same time, Jesse and I were experiencing the challenges of being newly married. We have only been married a little more than a year and a half and we have had to deal with so much in that short amount of time. It has been a rollercoaster. There were many things that I have had to deal with on a spiritual level. One of my many challenges as a wife is letting my husband lead. The whole submissive thing is difficult for someone like me. But really, I have had to learn to really let go and let Jesse lead. I grew up with STRONG women and I have known nothing but to be a strong woman. But I find when I try to be the strength of the family, it just led to things being unhappy. Instead of being a strong woman, I have been learning to be the WISE woman. "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish woman tears hers down." (Proverbs 14:1). My strength has the ability to tear down my home and I have realized that. I am working on concentrating my efforts on being wise instead of strong willed.
Aside from that, we have had to deal with the issue of boundaries. We believe that because God has given Addison to us as one of his miracles that she is a gift. And with that gift comes the responsibility to raise her in the ways of the Lord. The world we live in today is full of sin and things that are not of the Lord. Many times, people around us did not understand or agree with our beliefs. So, we really had to set certain boundaries and really put our foot down and stand for what we believe. You see, God sent us his only son to die for our sins and transgressions. We are also promised that "by his wounds, you have been healed" (1Peter 2:24). But to receive such deliverance, you must repent, receive Jesus as your Lord and Savior and live in the ways of the Lord. This leads us all to the difficult part. The world will not always get this and to hold ourselves to that higher standard is a BIG change. Sure, we are good people, but are we true Christians? It is one thing to receive God's blessing but the dying to yourself and the whole taking up your cross part, is some hardcore stuff. We have really had to take a look at our lives and see what God was trying to tell us through Addison.
First off, we looked at our biggest weaknesses (we have a lot, so we will talk about the specifics some other time). We looked at why we had those weaknesses and realized that they came from the homes we grew up in. So, for us not to pass those weaknesses to Addison, we would not have to practice them here at home, so that Addison will not learn it. For instance, if you smoke in front of your kids, chances are your kids will smoke. My grandfather smoked, my parents smoked and I smoked. But because I no longer smoke and Addison will never see me smoke, she has a better chance of not being a smoker to begin with. HOWEVER, she will predispose to smoking and it is something I have to guard so that she does not smoke. So, LESSON #1 Don't pass on your bad traits to your child.
After attempting to live up to "Lesson 1" we have visited Dr. Skalansky again and are please to say that Addison's heart has gotten better. It is still leaking but her ventricle is not as dilated as it used to be. So, once again, NO SURGERY, and we are able to stay the course. We have another appointment on July 20th. Meanwhile, we will continue on our spiritual journey until we can get to the place the Lord needs us to be to heal Addi completely. I sound like a bit of a loon but standby and let it be a testimony to all of you searching that Jesus is the only way, the truth, and the light. This is the way we are learning that lesson and we pray that our story can lead you closer to finding the Lord or even encourage you that the Lord is faithful and will take care of all your needs. Thank you all for your prayers and continued support.
With Love,
Jesse, Nicole and Addison.
“Praise the Lord, O my soul and forget not his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals ALL your diseases” (Psalm 103:2-3)
